Just barely reaching a two year (on and off) relationship we decide we've had enough of ... something. I'm not sure what broke us up that time! I just remember trying to move on and something about us sitting in the car, me trying to get out, when he quickly drives with me still in the car crying that he doesn't want to let me go. Our relationship has always been one like on The Notebook.
He even convinced me he was ready to propose.
All I know is that this break lasted about a month, maybe two. I started dating someone else in that time period. I guess it was nice to see how good I had it. This new beau was a momentary Mr. Wonderful! Maybe too wonderful? At first he was so strong and sweet, and on the ballroom team! That's probably the most of it! And my, oh my, was he handsome or what! And oh, he understood girls so well... This was all great except for wait, why was I at home on a Friday night reading "He's Just Not That Into You" if he's supposably 'into' me?? Long story short, we quit talking the moment I noticed this in him. Turns out I'm very high maintenance and require lots and lots of attention. But not just from anyone. I wanted it from Gary. But after what we'd been through and with me dating someone else... I couldn't go back to him making him look like a rebound. That's just not right.
I felt sorry for Gary and about this almost exact, pathetic situation I've put us into so many times. To make things worse, I had more than our last goodbye weighing on my mind... All through this month of love, Gary was dropping things off on my doorstep; hilarious cards, adorable balloon animals, precious flowers, and all of my favorite candies. I was suppose to be getting over him! Not drooling over the thought of him! So I called him once, to say thanks. Then again. Then we ended with I love you. Oops! It was just an old habit. Then it happened again. And you can guess what happened next. We were back together. It was just like a Taylor Swift song. So sweet and how wonderful we are when we're together.
We had marriage in mind... Well, I thought we both did. I picked out a fairly affordable ring. It is very petite, a small mountain of diamonds. It's a three-stone. It signifies the past we have, the present, and all that's yet to come. It is perfect.
He proposed! I said yes and meant it with all my heart. Although this was without the ring...it was still wonderful. Finally my wildest dreams are coming true! I get this man I've shared everything with AND my best friend for the rest of eternity! It must've also been too good to be true. The disagreements started again. He was very adament in getting married in March... I sure love the spring and all of the deadness of March and all...but I was kind of hoping for something a little sooner. Unless he meant last March. Then I'm totally down! But I guess not. Oh well, we could compromise on a date later. In the meanwhile, it's time to go dress shopping! Oh no...
First time out... It happened.
I found the dress of my dreams. I was pretty sad inside for some reason but it also made me smile! It was absolutely NOTHING like the kind of dress I thought I'd wear. I was looking for ivory and all lace and jewels and everything girly! But my step dad picked out one that was just marvelous and fit in every possible way! And. It was on sale. I bought it right then and there. And the flower girls' basket... and the pillow for the rings. And some preserving kit and colors swatches for the wedding. Somewhere in the midst of all this... Gary and I seemed to drift... Quite heavily, actually. I started spending time in Payson with my family just working out and planning the wedding and would be perfectly content with not seeing him for a day or two here or there. What was wrong with me? I always needed his time. I always needed him there. He was always there. This was our wedding I was trying to plan.
Is that what he wanted though?
We started arguing. No more disagreeing. Straight up fights over nothing, of course. This hurt so bad... Why did he tell me he would marry me only to tell me later that he's not ready and doesn't want to go through with this for a number of years? It's not fair! Why did he have to get my hopes up...
So we broke up.
Day after breakup: today. Mom decides that she'll love anyone I bring through the door. Even him. She has an idea. I should try on her wedding dress. It's beautiful. And it almost fits. I break down and cry... I call him to see if he could comfort me and end up crying in my little brother's arms.
And now I'm here.
Listening to Taylor Swift... What a beautiful, tragic, love affair. Just looking at my two beautiful wedding dresses and nobody to wear them for.....so I guess... here they are.
This is my mama's dress that she wore five and a half years ago. And this is mine... beautiful.
No comments:
Post a Comment