So lately I've been doing a lot of running in and out of doctors offices, this all started (not talking about July 2010...but) not too long ago! We can take it back to the 15th of June actually! Gary and I finished eating our lunches when my body just... died. I say 'died' because I couldn't move. I couldn't lift my arms. I couldn't carry my pack-pack (the brown back-pack that is always on me). I could not walk and I could hardly stand up even with Gary's help. See, this has happened to me before but that was like two years ago when I assumed I had diseCeliac ase and all the other fun stuff that comes with it...like a dead body from trying too hard to digest food too fast.
Worried as heck, Gary practically carries me out to the car and rushes us to the hospital. Well, the hospital is super expensive so maybe the urgent care center? We checked in and talked to the receptionist when she told us that we should go somewhere else to be seen. She said that what we had to get done would be considerably cheaper at a family clinic. We agreed and practically flew down the block to the same family practice I've visited so many times before for other health problems. Little did we know that all these health problems are related.
Almost an hour too late! The clinic was closed and we had to wait till Monday to be seen!
Well Monday rolls around and I called the clinic to make an appointment as soon as they opened and they were able to squeeze me in, in two hours! Gary called in sick to work to be able to be there for me which was awesome. I hate going to the doctors by myself! But boy, oh boy, have I learned not to take Gary to the doctors as my support system! Gary's all, "Mercedes, you just need to eat more fiber..." when the doctor more than just agrees with him, "You know Mercedes, Gary is right!" I'm like, "Don't tell him that..." his head doesn't need to be any bigger... Just kidding... :-/ but really.
So the doctor's and doctor Gary's orders were in mind and we're off to the Cost of Co! I was feeling much better than I was that weekend. Thank goodness. We loaded up on fiber, digestive gummies, and something else I can't remember. Whatever it was, it was important I'm sure!
Oh, it was Crystal Light. Cause every time I go to the doctor (and also talk to doctor Gary) they always say I'm dehydrated. So there we go.
For the next couple of days he was practically filling my throat with things that I couldn't stand! Mainly water! Yucky! But miraculously, I felt better. So I figured it was time to take a break from all the spoon-feeding and chugging water as a sort of reward for feeling better for once!
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I was feeling super fresh, man.
So I kept the good vibes going and went to go get a hair cut! All thanks to my inspiration Julianne Hough on Safe Haven! She is so GORGEOUS!!! I wanted my hair to look just like hers! Unfortunately, mine isn't nearly as thick...or blonde... nor will it ever be. But it's short!
Gary didn't like it... He always told me that girls with short hair look like boys! I can see how he would think that but come on! This was no pixie hair cut! I was certain that my hair looked adorable! The girls at the salon even had to take a picture!! But no, our disagreement on that, and the new $15 shirt I bought, was enough to push both of us over the edge...
Things had been going so well...
On the outside...
We have a tendency to keep our feelings about each other on the inside.
Until one of us does something so incredibly stupid, it's silly, we just let it all go!
All that night my stomach was turning. I knew he would get use to the hair eventually, probably around the same time that it grows back out. ;)
The next morning I had a meeting with a therapist, after telling her how I feel and expressing all the feelings I should have said to Gary...she got the load all at once... she sent me to the hospital. Umm.. Yeah.
So I checked myself into the Emergency Room to take a psychiatric evaluation. I sat in the ER for hours while doctor after doctor rushed into my room. Quite honestly I didn't see what the problem was! After getting all of the first Doc's test results back I was reassured that I did not have Celiac disease, and my thyroid wasn't dying! Those were the tests from the first doctors appointment that week. So then these next set of doc's are asking me all these physical health questions and doing an EKG and everything else under the sun... They told me that I was 100% healthy! Sweet!!!
But wait.
Why do I get so sick all the time?
In comes the crisis counselor. He tells me I'm probably depressed, under a lot of stress, and in a not-too-healthy relationship. Add all of those up and you get one psycho chick who's getting sick just from her own nerves! Silly me! So Mr. Crisis led me upstairs to the Mental Health part of the hospital where I was stripped of all of my belongings and was treated like a child then left alone. I didn't need to be in there, I thought to myself, they've got it all wrong. There was one kid detoxing and another chick who looked super anorexic. I was just in an unhealthy relationship!! Time heals this one, I'm sure.
But then dinner came and I was all of the sudden more than pleased to stay the night! ...or two...
I called my step dad and he called my mom to tell her I was held hostage in the hospital and needed some feminine things... Leave it to Super-Step-Dad! He calls in when the phone was answered and put on speaker... He very proudly announces to just about the whole world, "I'm here for Mercedes number ****, I have her UNDERWEAR!!!" The whole department just burst into laughs!!! So even though it was after curfew, they had to let him up!
The place was chill, we all just ate snacks and hung out! 9:45 I decided to be tired so they gave me some sort of drug to help with my anxiety and one to sleep and it knocked me out numb!
Bright and early the next day my head was POUNDING!!! Never, ever, ever has it ever hurt that bad! I couldn't see anything, I was super dizzy, and my whole body hurt with a 100 pound ball sitting on the top of it all just killing me! A few mixes of drugs and a few naps throughout the day I was finally a little better. That was horrible. But the worst part was, they kept interrupting my needed naps for some stupid group thing!! Ugh.
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I wasn't allowed to have my cell phone and since I was expecting a call (and honestly hoping that Gary had tried to get ahold of me since our last fight...I missed him so bad), they let me check my phone right in front of them. I did have a missed call! AND A VOICEMAIL!!!! I instantly jumped for joy not knowing what it was but desperately hoping it was my ticket out and.... It was! I accidentally listened to the message on speaker so everyone heard the job get offered to me!
I didn't know too much about it, but what I did know was that I would just be driving around all day! Ha, I can do that! I got the job! Yes!!
Since they didn't prescribe me anything, and since I guess I was there on my own will, I could leave! Ha, I wish I knew that sooner! I didn't really want to be there! It was nice though, just a small break from reality. An expensive break, I'm sure!
So just yesterday (Monday the 24th) I went to the first day of training for my new job. It was awesome! But the best part was (today) I got a better understanding of what I would be doing and what kind of environment this was. It is called Provo Canyon School and it is a mental health facility. As we practiced ways to communicate better and especially to listen, I came to a sweet realization that this is just what I needed.
This is where I can become better. I can become healthy. I can learn how to share my feelings and emotions with Gary without curling up my fists and blowing smoke out my ears!
This is perfect. :)
Things should be looking up from now on, I talked to Gary about the communication thing and he's willing to work on it with me. So now we're both learning, together. If our relationship can benefit from this that would be marvelous but if it doesn't...I think I might be able to handle it a little bit better than I have in the past. This is great! I definitely believe that Heavenly Father has a plan for us and as long as we keep him in our hearts, he'll lead us exactly to where we're suppose to be. :)
Thanks for reading this one! I know it's a long one but I think it's worth the read!
Happy Tuesday all!
-Mercedes Poole
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