For only two days, he was mine.

The next morning came and I was woke up by a nurse, a nice one. She told me that there were a few tests that they had to do and that if I wanted any breakfast, I best be ordering that like now-ish! So I stood up, my legs were kind of shaky...but what do you expect after having a kid? I searched for the menu, picked up the phone to call the cafeteria when I felt something warm on my feet...

Yeah.

I was standing in a puddle of pee and I didn't even know it came out.

So instead of calling the cafeteria I called a nurse and told her, "We need a clean up on isle...(room number I was in)... I just laughed. I could already tell that this was going to be a life-long problem. The nurses assured me that it goes away in about 6 weeks. Boy were they wrong! Anyway, they had me take a shower and just brought me a little something to eat and a nice little gift with that. :) On a giant roller thing came my new little baby all wrapped up and super clean and healthy! I was so happy to see him! After my bladder gained a little bit of feeling, I could tell that if I made ANY movement, it would let everything loose. I could walk around, like my legs were fine... But my poor bladder... So yes, I got to wear a diaper. That day I showered about three times! Ugh, such an inconvenience. I wanted to spend every second I could with Cole!

That was the day that I had visitors come! There was my friend Briana who only wanted a pic with the baby and not with me... :-/ Max's family, my family, Grandma and Grandpa, the new parents, and of course, Gary. I'm sure there were more but those are just a few I remember! Ha, I got a picture of Allen (My uncle Max's boy) he's saying, "Is this my new baby brother??" hahaha

Sorry Allen... haha

Gary was there for most of the day, just to make sure I was doing okay. He held the baby while I cried behind a pillow because I didn't want to cry in front of him, not yet. The the nurse came in and ruined their special bonding moment. The nurse says, "So how's the bleeding? Has it stopped? And how about your bladder? Are you still peeing every time you move?" Well Gary there ya go! hahaha Layin' it all out on the table!! I was SO EMBARRASSED!! This is the boy I liked! I wanted to impress him!! Not scare him away... (Good luck doing that in this situation...)

So for that whole day I don't think that I got more than an hour with holding the baby. Then nighttime came too soon and they took him back to the nursery.

 

The next day, I thought I heard him cry so I waddled out of bed and practically ran to the nursery. When I got there I saw that he was actually just sleeping and about to have some more tests done. So I sat and watched while they styled his long hair and then started the tests. This was it. This was the last day that he would be mine. I made it clear to everyone that I didn't want anyone here.

Except for Gary.

He ditched school to be with me for most of the day.

But this was my day to have the baby all to myself. All for just one day. The only thing I wanted to do was just to hold him. All day long. We slept. I got to change his diaper. I fed him. I did his hair. We slept some more. And then he just layed on my chest.

 

It was time.

 

His new parents were here with a giant bundle of flowers, probably to say thank you. My case worker was doing everything she could to let me know that I could keep the baby. I was so irritated and just wanted to be alone with him some more! My time wasn't long enough!! My case worker saw that and understood that, so she excused everyone from the room. This was the time when I got to decide if this was right, or not. So holding the baby, I looked into his eyes, he was awake for the first time that day... I told him that I loved him. I know, I just know that he understood. I said a prayer and was filled with so much joy and happiness I knew that he was theirs. I wanted him, I really did. I don't think that any mother wants to give away her child. But he belonged to them. I put all trust and energy in The Lord and I don't believe that it was me that handed over the baby. So happy, I just cried. This was beautiful. I was completing a family. They couldn't do it on their own and I helped them.

I signed the papers.

His last name changed.

And then I was rolled out of the hospital in a wheel chair.

 

I was staying at my grandparents, who were out of town. My grandpa's mom had just passed away, just in time for this new miracle to come into this world. I walked into my room to see it absolutely filled with gifts, chocolates, food, cards, and flowers.

I couldn't believe that anyone would actually support me.

 

 

Thank you for everyone that helped out. I couldn't have gotten by without any of you. And thank you for all of you reading this, it means so much to me that you have taken time out of your day to read my story.

I love Cole, I love his family. If I could go back and change anything... I don't think I would. Well, maybe I would drink more water to try and avoid all these stretch marks!

Have a happy Friday everybody. :)